Savior Complex

Of all the great books I have read, one that has profoundly affected me is The Cure, by Athol Dickson. I so identify with the main character in the story, Riley Keep. After a series of catastrophic mistakes, Riley experienced a change in his life that allowed him the luxury of righting some of his wrongs. He wanted to “fix” people’s lives and correct mistakes from his past.

I don’t know exactly when it began for me, but I too have this desire to “fix” situations and people so that they don’t have to suffer the consequences of their actions or be in need; not if I can do something about it. I want everything to be perfect for the folks I love.

While that may be a noble sentiment, it took me years to realize that if I attempt to fix everything for my loved ones, they may not benefit from the challenges they face nor learn a single useful thing to help them thrive in the years ahead of them. What they do learn is that someone will fix their problem, and they don’t have to worry about a thing.

Riley blew it big time in his attempt to fix all his wrongs. His actions were not malevolent; he really thought he was doing good things for the folks he loved. But he didn’t think forward far enough to consider the consequences of his “fixes;” and there were pretty substantial difficulties that resulted from his attempt to help. Among those he attempted to save from her situation was his daughter. When Riley offered to fix the struggle his daughter faced, she wouldn’t let him. Her response to Riley said it all:

“I think sometimes the right thing is the wrong thing. I made a bad mistake. I need to live with this, you know? Not take the easy way out this time. I think that’s how God shows you the way to be a person.”

Those words stopped me cold. I read them over and over, and I was totally convicted by them. The impact of those words forced me to face in myself a serious flaw that I needed to acknowledge—the savior complex. I just want everything to work out right, you know? As I reflected on this I realized that what I consider right for those I love may actually be exactly where they will eventually settle, but the path they travel is going to have to be their own. I can love them, I can pray for them, I can encourage them and maybe even offer advice, but I can no longer attempt fix their problem.

In Athol’s books, life doesn’t end up wrapped in a neat little bundle with everyone happy and living perfect lives. Because life isn’t perfect. Even though the story of our lives ends up in perfection for those who know the Lord, the journey is anything but smooth. Life has pain; disappointment often rules the day; the struggle of loss is very real.

I struggle daily to stay out of the savior business–sometimes I’m successful at this, and other days I get in the way of the Lord.  When I do feel the urge to step in and “fix” something, I breathe the prayer Riley prayed when the struggle overwhelmed him–“Rescue me.” The cure is not in the quick fix–not for me nor those I love. The cure is something we must work out in the trenches of life, through the grace and help of God. When I feel that urge to step in and “fix” a situation, I am learning to pray and then back away. As Riley said, “The Lord alone is our cure.”

*originally published March 5, 2018*

 

The God Who Loves Me

My first recognized thoughts about God began when I was around eight or nine years old. It was at that age that I would lie in the grass and stare at the sky and clouds, thinking to myself how beautiful they were and how God had made such a wonderful world. My family did not attend church together. So, besides the yearly Vacation Bible Schools and the occasional Easter service we attended at different area churches, I had no great knowledge about God. Other than the occasional thought about Him, I didn’t consider Him a factor in my life much at all. I knew He existed, but I had no idea of the magnitude of the great I AM.

Yet even though my knowledge and understanding of God was limited, He knew everything about me. Even then, He was watching over my life and preparing me for future ministry for Him.

He had a plan.

My husband has said that some things in our lives just don’t fit neatly with our expectations of God. Suffering is one of the biggies. I don’t have all the answers to the pain in this world, and I have stopped trying to explain why God lets life happen the way it does. When you are a kid and fear, heartache, emotional abandonment, and shame are your closest friends it’s just hard to understand or believe that there is a God and that He loves me. Because I didn’t know much about God, I didn’t sit and pound my pillow and question God’s motives (that happened later, when I’d been a Christian for many years and should have known better).

But inside of me, in the inner me that God “knit together,” there was a stubbornness—a firm decision that I was not going to let the dysfunction that existed around me label me or hold me down. I was determined that I would not be backed up and cemented into a corner. I set my will to not only survive, but to overcome. God put all that inside of me. I didn’t know that it was Him; I just knew that what was happening in my life was not going to define me. I would be something more than my circumstances; I would not be a victim.

There was an empty space inside of me. I longed for something to make me whole, and at times it was almost like the Bible verse, “As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul longs for You” (Psalm 42:1). For years I filled that void with temporary stuff—records I just knew I’d “die” if I didn’t have; trinkets I “needed,” books, and other things. I never experimented with drugs, and was an enemy of all things alcohol, having lived the effects brought to me by those who loved it. I knew my life was missing something and was desperate to move beyond the angst I felt on an almost constant basis. I just didn’t know how to access it; I didn’t know how to fill the “void.”

The summer after my high school graduation a friend returning from their church youth camp event set about witnessing to me in hopes of leading me to Christ. When that friend told me how loved I was by Jesus and what it meant to be a believer in Christ, my heart nearly burst inside of me. This was IT, this was exactly what I was searching for to fill that empty space inside of me, that longing I had for something “more!” That day, as my friend witnessed to me, I asked Christ to save me. I tell you now–without reservation–no matter the circumstances of my life beyond that day, I have never regretted the decision to follow Christ for one moment.

So, how can God use a girl who grew up in a non-Christian, badly dysfunctional home life? Basically, any way He wants. Because God takes the life we live and makes it a story that we share with others, at least for a couple of reasons I can think of:

  • to help others in similar life situations; and
  • to glorify God with the testimony of His working in our lives.

Remembering Tim

In January 2019, our brother Tim died from brain cancer. He had been declared free from lung cancer only a few short months earlier; so we were shocked he ended up in the hospital in October 2018 with brain cancer from cells that migrated from his lungs. We watched him slowly disintegrate. He was a victim of paranoid-schizophrenia already, and the confusion caused by his brain cancer accelerated that fear that he was always being watched, followed, threatened. It was a sad thing to watch. By Christmas 2018 it was apparent that he was quickly declining in health and mental capabilities. He was living with our sister, Judy, at the time; he was so afraid of everything that she cancelled all her travel plans for that season and stayed home with him.

In early January 2019, Tim entered the hospital. He was so confused and in pain that he actually felt it best for him to be there. We sisters took turns staying with him in the hospital. We watched his confusion grow daily, we did what we could to comfort him . . . and we cried a lot.

The day Tim went into Hospice care, two of us who had stayed with him the night before were on either side of his bed weeping. He had spent the night picking at something in the air above him and muttering to himself. That morning he was so distraught that he cried out, “Y’all, please help me.” I cry now thinking about it. It was an awful time for us all. As we stood by his bed sobbing, two women walked in. We thought they were nurses. We told them what was happening. Turns out, they were Hospice care workers whom the hospital had called to come over and speak with us.

Tim went to Hospice that day. He was somewhat lucid for a couple of days, and then he began to sleep a lot more, occasionally crying out for help. Tim wanted to live; we wanted him to live. It broke our hearts as we stood by his bed and watched as his bodily functions began to cease and he stopped eating. When I sat beside him the day before he died and stared into his blank, fixed eyes, I knew he was really no longer with us. I was heartbroken to see him going, knowing that even though we wanted him to live here on earth with us, that would not be.

Tim died the next night. We had all settled down to rest a bit. Dave and I were in one of the waiting rooms lying on the couches when my sister texted a 911 to me. I was up and running, getting to Tim just seconds before he breathed his last here on earth and stepped into eternity. Strangely, I didn’t cry that night. I had done my weeping while he was alive, grieving over all the experiences and life we would no longer celebrate together here on earth. Now he was gone, and I knew he was free from the pain, the disease, the confusion, the sadness of this earth. So, I celebrated his homegoing, hard as it was to see him leave.

Tim was a late-in-life believer In Jesus Christ. But in the years that he had been serving Christ, his family and the world around him saw a different man—well, actually they saw the man he really was once he dropped the façade of being a tough, can’t-touch-me kind of guy. He comforted cancer patients as he would go for his own treatments. He bought us thoughtful gifts and cards that we will cherish forever. He laughed a whole lot, a big infectious laugh that we all enjoyed. He loved to play jokes on folks. He loved his family and enjoyed any time we were able to get together. He also learned and practiced forgiveness as much as his paranoid mind would allow.

I thought of all this—especially the grieving I did—as I read 2 Samuel 12:15-23. David grieved the illness of his son. He wore sackcloth and lay on the floor, refusing to eat, all the while praying for his son to live. Once he knew that his child had died, he got up and bathed, worshipped God, and moved forward with his life. He did not forget his son; he simply realized he would not have his son with him on earth any longer. He explained this to the people around him: “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, ‘Who knows, but the Lord may be gracious to me, that the child may live.\’ But now he has died; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”

Precious little brother Tim. Someday we will see you again, in heaven. In the meantime, we always love you and will never forget your life with us on earth.

(P.S. I sure hope that you and mama aren’t giving the angels too much mischief. Hehe)

-9/17/2022

The Finished Product

I was following a crafting group. It took over my Facebook feed and threw up at least 50 posts a day. That was okay, but what really helped me decide to stop following them is this comment on almost every single post: “I made this; I know it’s not perfect; what do you think? positive comments only.” I don’t know why, but something about seeing that insecurity over and over just finally got to me.

We crafters truly are an insecure bunch. Honestly, there’s not a piece of work I do that ever completely satisfies me. I may be happy with the design and the size, but as the creator of the article, I see the flaws and mistakes I made. I see where I missed that stitch. I see that uneven corner. I see it all. I’ve gotten into a crochet project by dozens of rows and completely ripped the whole thing out and started over, sometimes with a totally different pattern in mind. You see the finished project; I see the finished project with the flaws. And I always pray that it is liked by the person to whom it is gifted, because it’s made it with good intentions, patience, and much love.

Thankfully, God is not insecure about His finished product (and He doesn’t make mistakes). He sees our lives from beginning to end. He sees our flaws borne from a sinful nature, and sometimes He rips into our lives to change the pattern (or allows it to happen), to make a “purer” person. It hurts, and sometimes those changes can be time-consuming. But ultimately, God knows what the final “product” will look like. If we allow our Father–who works His will in our lives with patience and perfect love–to make the adjustments needed, one day we will stand before Him a perfect, finished life. And we will hear Him say, “Well, done.”

It’s all about Him, y’all. May the work He does in my life cause me to show the world HIS workmanship.

4am Thoughts

In the early morning hours, my mind flips the wake-up switch and is immediately flooded with all sorts of random thought and concerns. At the top of the chain most mornings are thoughts of my family and the things that concern them. How will those bills get paid? Are they living wisely and carefully? Are they doing things the way “I” feel they should be done?

I mull these thoughts around for a while, considering solutions to their problems and how I must address the situations. Sounds self-centered, doesn’t it? I mean, after all, who do I think I am? I certainly don’t have all the answers. And as I’ve learned from experience, I am by no means their savior.

Their Savior.

Ah, that’s where this all needs to be headed. Push my ego, my “wisdom,”–my way– to the side and give it to the Savior, the One who can truly guide them through their situations.

See, my problem is that I want to see immediate results for my family members. I want them to have what they need when they need it. As I’ve learned in my own life, that doesn’t always happen. So, I just have to leave it with Father God. He always knows best and always does best, even when the results are slower in coming than I’d desire.

The family depends on Dave and me for many things. We provide for some of them a stability that they don’t always experience in extended family circumstances. In some instances, we are the only real family some of them have, due to losses and estrangements. So, we help with daily routine events, we babysit, we provide shelter, we provide funds when absolutely needed. We’ve always been available to all our family; I believe they assume we always will be. Often, Dave and I look at each other and ask the question, “What will they do if something happens to us?”

God gave me a clear thought this morning, and I want Him to get the glory for the message.

Our goal must be to teach them how to go on.

We must not always be available–though that sounds selfish to me, somehow. I mean, who doesn’t want to be needed? Who doesn’t want to feel necessary to someone? There’s a fine line that must be drawn between meeting needs and co-dependence, and if I’m honest, I’m still looking for it.

The answer is to help them know they are strong enough and independent enough to move forward and make decisions that don’t have to involve us. (They may think that now and are just too kind to say so.)

The answer is to point them to the God who loves them and will help them make those important decisions for their lives.

The answer is to tell them about the Savior so that their lives will be full of meaning, to know that whatever they do with their lives it must bring glory to Him. We must not take away from the glory they should be giving to God by always being the answer to their every need.

They must learn to go on without us someday, and we must teach them now how to do that. Of course, in some instances, it may be that Dave and I are the answer God gives them to meet an immediate need. But we can’t be their every answer. Our responsibility is to point them to God, who is always the answer.

Ramblings. What do you expect at 4am?

Busy, Busy Life

Life has been moving fast and forward for the Wood family.

  • In July, Dave and I were gifted with our first great-grandchild, by our first-born grandchild.
  • Dave got a great report from his doctor; his PSA levels were super low, indicating that the cancer is still gone. To God be the glory!!
  • Our church is back in full swing now, and I’m back to teaching a weekly adult class (I love it!).
  • Our women’s ministry is planning for a fall women’s retreat (y’all come!); I am preparing my thoughts, as I will be one of the speakers at the event.
  • I’m trying to work on my book–some parts of the story are harder to write than others. The goal is to tell the story truthfully, and with balance. Pray for me.
    • Honesty, for sure
    • God’s presence, always
    • Bitterness, no.
  • Projects around the house; getting accomplished slowly. We retired folks don’t rush much these days.
  • Lots of crafting/sewing projects in process. Christmas is coming,  you know. And this is so much more fun than the house projects, so . . .
  • I am now the proud owner of hearing aids, mostly to address the hearing challenges that come from really loud tinnitus. They are helping a bit, but nothing totally gets rid of the ringing. *sigh*
  • I will soon be having cataract surgery on BOTH eyes. (Heavens! When did I get so old?)

Other stuff added to the mix makes for a full life. How about  you? How is God filling your life these days?

Bible verse for the day: “So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who are of the household of the faith.” -Galatians 6:10

Let us do good to all people. Have a good day, folks!

Five Action Steps for Beating Addiction

Our friend, Jim Watson, wrote an excellent book that addresses addiction and proven methods to transform your life through the power of Christ. He speaks from his personal experience with addiction and the many years it took to develop this program and his work with addicts of every type.

Having had loved ones who suffered with various types of addiction, I can only say that I wish I had this many years ago when dealing with it and being able to offer this type of wisdom to help them fight their battles. I encourage you to purchase this book. It will not only help you to help the ones you love, but you may even see yourself in some of the pages to help you overcome other types of bondage. Seriously, I am on my third reading. You\’ll be glad you made the investment.

Simply click on the picture of the book cover, and it will take you to Amazon to make your purchase. Thanks!

The Enemy is a Liar

On several occasions in my adult teaching years I have noted that God sends the same focused message out to many pulpits and classrooms. I love it when He does that! They are timely for us; they were planned by Him.

Our church has lately gotten back to Sunday school and we are slowly working our way back from 2020. As one of the adult class teachers, I had considered the several study options available, but one kept rising to the top, a study on the lies of the enemy (“The Truth about Lies,” by Tim Chaddick). Not totally convinced about it, I took a few days to pray and consider. During that time, I traveled to Pennsylvania to visit with our son’s family, giving me plenty of car quiet time to think. At one point I grew tired of the silence and dialed into a Christian station. The first song I heard was “Truth Be Told,” by Matthew West. Following right behind that was “If We’re Honest,” by Francesca Batistelli. Hmm. After hearing those songs and having my creative juices begin flowing, I felt confirmation that the study about lies of the enemy was what I would go with.

Just yesterday, I grabbed my phone to play some music on the way to church. My phone has car mode, and based on my past song lists, it picks music for me, so I’m not messing with buttons while I drive. The first song it played was “Fear is a Liar,” by Zach Williams. This song is not in any of my playlists–it was just a random song Amazon picked based on my music interests. Just further confirmation for me that our current Sunday school study was on track, and relevant for the times. Then, during morning worship–with no knowledge of the subject being taught in the adult class–our pastor brought a message titled, “Fear is a Liar” (Numbers 13-14). And for the final song of the service, he played the song “FEAR IS A LIAR”…!

Fear causes us to question the promises and goodness of God. It is one of the enemy’s greatest lies and a weapon he uses to keep us from experiencing the blessings of God.

I know a lot of people don’t feel that God works in this manner. That’s okay. I honestly believe that the Holy Spirit worked through these means to confirm my prayer about what to teach. Someone needs to be reminded that we need not fear a defeated enemy. Someone needs to be reminded that the world is full of lies and liars and that we must be aware. Someone needs to be reminded that God will always tell the truth and is always trustworthy. He has not changed His mind about what His word tells us, and anything that deviates from that is not truthful.

1 Peter 5:8-11 – Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. So resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brothers and sisters who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.  To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen.

Y’all, the world will try to tell you that what you “want” is what you should have. Check it out with God first. If He has a word to say about it, trust that. Do not let the fear that the world will scoff at you or mock you for following God keep you from overthrowing the lies of the enemy in your life.

Use Your “Inside” Voice

I recently subscribed to a program designed to help improve my writing skills. It checks grammar, punctuation, and voice, among other aspects. I dropped an article into the program and implemented all the changes it suggested. After completing that process and re-reading the article, I discarded the corrected post, because it left me with a bad taste in my mouth and little else. I could not find one ounce of “me” in that sterile, perfectly worded document.

I discarded the program, too, and here’s why: while I understand that it’s a good thing to have my spelling and punctuation proofed, I strongly resist the attempt to change my writing voice.

Every writer has their particular style. I write to touch people and encourage them. Rough and raw it may be, but if you get what I\’m saying from the emotion poured into my words, then it was for your benefit. Praise God! If I use a writing program that removes all of “me,” I may have a technically correct essay, but will it speak to my targeted audience?

My ultimate goal in writing is this: I want folks to know they aren’t alone, that someone is going through the same situation, and mostly I want them to know that God is smack dab in the middle of the fray, and He’s on our side. (the writing program wouldn’t like “smack dab.” *wink*)

Have a good day, my friends.